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Sadness..

This weekend was a bit hard on me and the more I think about it the sadder I am.

Yesterday I was supposed to be in North Carolina, serving as a Bridesmaid in one of my best friends wedding.

Instead I got grounded from my Dr and was unable to go. I knew in my mind that he was right and it wasn't a good idea for me to go and risk getting sick there and not being able to come home. And I didn't want her to worry about me and how I was feeling and if I would get sick because she does worry about me.But my heart, oh my heart was another story.

I just went on fb and saw a picture of my dear caca and her new hubby and I screamed at her beauty and then got very sad and wanted to cry. I so wish that I could have been there with her. We have been through SO MUCH in our 7 years of friendship. We survived PCC together, we went through our rebellious phase together and then found God together. We drifted apart for awhile due to normal life, and then found eachother right when we needed eachother the most.

For the past year we have talked every single day and have been able to share things with eachother that we can't with other people. She has become such a HUGE part of my life, I just love her to pieces.

So it killed me yesterday to be home on my couch thinking of what was going on in NC at that moment. Knowing I wouldn't see her walk down the aisle, or surprise Mr Caca with her Song she sang to him. I wouldn't see the vows or be able to yell OW OWWWWW when they kissed. It hurt alot, but what hurt the most was feeling like I let her down.

I know she understood and was worried about my health and sent me the nicest, sweetest most caring email when I told her I couldn't go, but I still feel like I am a terrible friend. I hate that my illness and poor health has made me let my friends down. I like to keep my word when I say I'm going to do something, that is HUGE to me. And knowing that I didn't and I wasn't there when she had a huge moment in her life. The moment that we have been talking about, dreaming about, emailing about all year long, and I wasn't there. It hurts.

Ok, I am done whining for now. I promise I will have a happier post later.

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