WOW. So I wasn't kidding when I said that God is using real life examples every week to teach me what we are learning through this Bible Study. I am excited and slightly terrified of what he is putting me through (or rather my sinful self!) and how I am going to change, grow and learn.
This past week was entitled Spirit Check. I was actually at home sick with a Migraine last week and missed the actual study. I honestly think that was Satan because if I had been able to learn this then and attach it to my heart and change my ways it would have saved me from alot of heartache last week and early this week.
Everytime I went to read this chapter something would stop me or prevent me from reading it. The final time i attempted I was outside at lunch in the quiet, looking forward to spending a quiet hour with God. I was still on the first page of the chapter when a car parked by me blaring rap music. I got so frusterated and annoyed! And then I thought you know everytime I have tried to do this study something has happened! Satan is trying to prevent me from learning something here and I am NOT letting him win!
So I sat there and read that page 5 times untill I could understand it and thanks to God the person next to me left and I was able to get down to business.
The Chapter verse is Lamentations 3:40 "Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord"
Its a good thing I was sitting down because it brought me to my knees. I'm not kidding when I say that God is teaching me literally through life examples each week of what we are learning in the study. It was AMAZING! All of the thoughts I had been having and everything that I was feeling was in this chapters!
To quote some of Joanna Weaver's Book " untill we see how dark our hearts can be we will never cry out for a heart like his. we'll continue living our lives with the wrong spirit, the wrong attitude, rather than calling out for a heart made new in the likeness of Christ. And we'll keep lying to ourselves about who we are and why we do what we do. perhaps that is why many of us struggle in our relationship and why our best efforts are misunderstood and unappreciated. we live life out of the natural, the carnal. we do what we think is best, never realizing that the selfishness and sin built into our basic natures can infect even our best intentions.
as we continue our wrong- spirited , carnal minded efforts we'll inevtiably find that people neglect or refuse outright to follow the scripts we've so carefully prepared for them. they won't do what we want. they won't say whatwe need to hear and we're left with hurt feelings and rejection.
For not only are our best intentions misinterpeted but satan manages to secure our insecuritties by using them against us "
Man alive. Do I even need to say anything after that?
In the book on page 44 it had a list of what Spirit are you? In the interest of being real and sharing my heart and struggles I'm going to get down to the nitty gritty and share with you who and what I am.
I am 2.
2. A Controlling Spirit
A controller micomanages people and situations out of a desperate "need to know" all thats going on. She freely gives advice and expects compliance. Her belief that she must make things happen can lead to weary despair when no one cooperates. (See 1 Peter 4:15)
If she had written 2. Charity Brooke she would not have been more spot on. I am that. I like to control. I could give excuses or reasons of why I do it, but there isn't anything that makes it right so I'm just going to confess that is me.
And you know what? I don't like it! It HURTS. And it never works! But yet again and again my sinful heart just goes out and does it! I get so prideful thinking wow I have GOT this!!! I am just so good, I've given my life up to God and he's in control, oh wait.. no that needs to happen now. This needs to happen now and you need to act like this. Oh wait what was I saying/ oh yeah how i'm following God. wait! you over there!! you're not following my plan! And hurt heart ensues.
An intelligent person would realize this and stop inflicting such pain on themselves but clearly I am not that bright. Thankfully as all of this was attaching to my heart God put what possibly is my new favorite verse in my mind, and I have been saying this to myself over and over this week..
This past week was entitled Spirit Check. I was actually at home sick with a Migraine last week and missed the actual study. I honestly think that was Satan because if I had been able to learn this then and attach it to my heart and change my ways it would have saved me from alot of heartache last week and early this week.
Everytime I went to read this chapter something would stop me or prevent me from reading it. The final time i attempted I was outside at lunch in the quiet, looking forward to spending a quiet hour with God. I was still on the first page of the chapter when a car parked by me blaring rap music. I got so frusterated and annoyed! And then I thought you know everytime I have tried to do this study something has happened! Satan is trying to prevent me from learning something here and I am NOT letting him win!
So I sat there and read that page 5 times untill I could understand it and thanks to God the person next to me left and I was able to get down to business.
The Chapter verse is Lamentations 3:40 "Let us examine our ways and test them, and let us return to the Lord"
Its a good thing I was sitting down because it brought me to my knees. I'm not kidding when I say that God is teaching me literally through life examples each week of what we are learning in the study. It was AMAZING! All of the thoughts I had been having and everything that I was feeling was in this chapters!
To quote some of Joanna Weaver's Book " untill we see how dark our hearts can be we will never cry out for a heart like his. we'll continue living our lives with the wrong spirit, the wrong attitude, rather than calling out for a heart made new in the likeness of Christ. And we'll keep lying to ourselves about who we are and why we do what we do. perhaps that is why many of us struggle in our relationship and why our best efforts are misunderstood and unappreciated. we live life out of the natural, the carnal. we do what we think is best, never realizing that the selfishness and sin built into our basic natures can infect even our best intentions.
as we continue our wrong- spirited , carnal minded efforts we'll inevtiably find that people neglect or refuse outright to follow the scripts we've so carefully prepared for them. they won't do what we want. they won't say whatwe need to hear and we're left with hurt feelings and rejection.
For not only are our best intentions misinterpeted but satan manages to secure our insecuritties by using them against us "
Man alive. Do I even need to say anything after that?
In the book on page 44 it had a list of what Spirit are you? In the interest of being real and sharing my heart and struggles I'm going to get down to the nitty gritty and share with you who and what I am.
I am 2.
2. A Controlling Spirit
A controller micomanages people and situations out of a desperate "need to know" all thats going on. She freely gives advice and expects compliance. Her belief that she must make things happen can lead to weary despair when no one cooperates. (See 1 Peter 4:15)
If she had written 2. Charity Brooke she would not have been more spot on. I am that. I like to control. I could give excuses or reasons of why I do it, but there isn't anything that makes it right so I'm just going to confess that is me.
And you know what? I don't like it! It HURTS. And it never works! But yet again and again my sinful heart just goes out and does it! I get so prideful thinking wow I have GOT this!!! I am just so good, I've given my life up to God and he's in control, oh wait.. no that needs to happen now. This needs to happen now and you need to act like this. Oh wait what was I saying/ oh yeah how i'm following God. wait! you over there!! you're not following my plan! And hurt heart ensues.
An intelligent person would realize this and stop inflicting such pain on themselves but clearly I am not that bright. Thankfully as all of this was attaching to my heart God put what possibly is my new favorite verse in my mind, and I have been saying this to myself over and over this week..
That he who began a good work in you will be faithful to complete it.
Thank You Lord.
So there you have it. This Controlling Spirit, along wtih Twanda is on her way to the grave. Its not going to be pretty along the way. But I am determined to become a Woman after God's own heart and one that radiates his love to everyone around me. Join me on this amazing ride. Its gonna hurt.. In a good way.
Comments