It has been a very sad, and rough couple of days. Combined with having the flu, I've had alot of time at home and to think about things.
It just seems to hit me right now how HARD and PAINFUL life is.
Every August I keep my dear friend Emboz in my prayers for the entire month, because it's the month she lost he husband. I know that she dreads it every year just as I dread Oct 25th.
This August has seemed to be even more painful for so many people.
This past weekend, I found out about a alumni from my former college who had lost his life. It's a long story, but he took his own life 1000 days after his wife tragically died.
He documented it and I sat in the darkness on my couch watching an 18 minute video of sheer pain. Pain does not even seem like a big enough word to describe what he was going through. Although I didn't know him, my heart, my heart just goes out to him so much. He was clearly suffering and I just feel so horrible I can't even put it into words.
Today I was sitting at work and I found out that one of my friends had died last night.
He was younger than I am and had a little girl. And now he is gone. I just saw him and talked to him last week before I left work for the weekend.
And now he is gone.
And I really just can't wrap my mind around the fact that I'm not going to see him again. He won't be passing by in the hallway subbing for someone. I won't get to lean down the open way and yell his name when I'm walking through the hallway and see him.
And now a little girl is without her daddy.
When I found out the news at work I was shocked. I thought it was a joke. I didn't see how it could be real. But it is. While we don't know what happened or why he is gone, the fact remains that he is.
I'm sad. I'm sad for Paul's family. I'm Sad for his baby girl. I'm sad for Mark's family and friends, I'm just sad.
This world is filled with so much pain. Life is hard. It's hard. Even though I'm sunshiney on her alot, I have struggles too, life is not easy. But I am thankful that no matter how hard it gets, no matter what happens to me I know I have God.
This whole year has been pretty hard for me. I've been put through alot of trials and tests, and my motto has become "You and me God, you and me" when I'm facing something or scared or upset I just stop and talk to him and remind myself that no matter what he is there with me. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have a Savior. I really don't.
So tonight, I will go to bed, and I will cry for the loss, and for the pain of these families missing those they love, and while I cry I will pray for them and the words of this Point of Grace song are running through my head.....
She sits by the window with wandering eyes
She has a song in her heart
And a golden disguise
Her body is torn because age doesn't heal
She's not letting on
About the pain that she feels
But she knows in her soul
That it won't be too long
'Til Jesus comes back
To carry her home...
Where there will be no more pain
No more sorrow
No more waiting
For illusive tomorrows
There will be no more pain
No more dying
No more striving or strain
No more pain
My mind's eye remembers the trouble I've seen
All I have been through,
And how I long to be free
But I learn by her patience that I need her resolve
To wait for the opening of eternity's halls
And I know that in time we will stand side by side
When Jesus comes back receiving His bride