Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Ramblings of a 30 year old Single girl...

I usually don't get as personal as I am going to today on this blog so hold onto your hats and flip flops folks!

Kelly over at the great and fabulous and inspiring Kelly's Korner Blog did a great post about the love stories from her annual SUYL Show us your Singles, and the final story from Toi really hit home with me. I immediately had to email my BFF Kim and send her over to the blog and she had the same reaction as I did. 

Finally, there is someone out there who understands what it is like to be a Christian Single Gal in your 30's!!

Now before you think I'm waiting until 11:11 to make a wish for a booyyyfrrreeeennnn calm down. I do enjoy my time to myself (what little I have with a full time job and 9 Piano Students) and the ability to do what I choose, when I choose. I'm not moping into Ben and Jerry's every weekend, but there is a huge part of me that longs to be married. 

For as long as I remember I have known that my calling is to be a wife and a mother. When I was 3 years old I told my brother's best friend that we were going to get married and have 12 children. 

I will say that I have changed the amount of children I want to have, and God has been leading my heart into Adoption, in Ethiopia specifically, but I am at a holding place. No husband. No children. Both of which I want desperately.

At times it is really hard to remember that God has a plan and believe that he has a husband for me somewhere out there...

(are you all singing the song now? sorry)

But it's true. I do not date to date. So I'm not out and about on the Singles scene trying to pick up men and sweat through awkward dinners trying to make small talk, leaving pieces of my heart scattered all over the county. The thought of it is actually making me want to break out in hives. 

I am very selective on who I choose to have a relationship with. I have plenty of things to occupy my time. If it is not the right guy or someone that lives up to my Godly standards then I am not giving up my free time for him. Sorry folks, it's just the way it is.  I have made the mistake, more than once, of going for the wrong guy and have gotten massively hurt. I've been cheated on, lied to, played, you name it and the three guys I've dated did it. 

After the last one lied to me and was not anywhere the Godly man I thought he was I knew that I needed to tighten up my standards considerably. I also felt that my days of pursuing men were over. Too many times I have wanted what I have wanted and tried anything and everything to make it work. (Which has a lot to do with the aforementioned hurt).  Believe it or not but I can be incredibly stubborn and persistent. This has only ended in dismal failure and much pain and suffering for me.

But with now having very high standards for a Godly husband,( which I KNOW they are out there, my Father and my Brother are prime examples of what a Godly, Moral man should be- Don't tell my brother I said that, he'd think I love him or something.. ) it really lessens the pool of candidates. And I mean lessens. LIke Empties. Completely. It seems that all of the single men in my state are under 24 and still in college. Finding a single man in his 30's who loves God and strives to live for him is almost near impossible.

Usually I am not bothered by my singleness, or rather I try not to think about it and the fact that I'm 30 with no prospects and oh my goodness what If i never get married and DIE ALONE!!!  

I desire to share my life with someone. To have someone to come home to at night, to have that person I talk to before going to sleep, to share my hopes and dreams and just LIFE with. To have someone to sit by in church. 

You know what stinks being a 30 yr old Single girl? Sitting alone in church. Yes I have wonderful friends at my church that I could share the pew with them and their families, but I am still alone even when I share their pew. 

I begin to wonder if God has forgotten about me. Or if there is something so terribly wrong or hideous about myself that no man would ever be interested in sharing his life with me.

I see all of these young kids, 22, 23, 24 getting married and talking about how they have waited "forever" to find this person. Honey, you have no clue! I am glad that I did not get married at that young age, because I know I was nowhere near ready for it. I still am a selfish person and have things that I need to work on to make myself more like Christ but I just wonder how long. How much longer am I going to have to wait for my other half?

I see the love and happiness that my parents share, even after being married 35 years they are still like newlyweds, and I want that. I want that bond and love with someone. 

I feel like I could be a really great and loving wife. I'm not perfect and I tend to burn food that I cook, but I really think that I could be a great, Godly, loving wife to some man. But where is he?

For some reason turning 30 and being single really hit me. Before that I was happy to be single after the last guy lied and played me. But now knowing i'm 30 and in my adult years, I just feel like it is time for me to be married and have a partner. Life is rushing by me, and despite having an amazing family, church and friends I still have that missing piece to me. And I have to wonder where he is, and if he is ever coming?

All this rambling to say, if you have a single friend, please be gentle with your words. Platitudes do not help, nor the story about how you met your husband, and please whatever you do DO NOT tell them that when you're not looking it will happen. 

If you have a single friend in your life, pray for them! Love them! Accept them as they are and never make them feel like they are not good enough just because they don't have a plus one. 

Some people will say that they do not like being set up, I don't have a problem with it, if you have a single friend and think you might have a good match for them, please ask them first before trying to make a love connection. Not all singles welcome this and feel like you are trying to "fix" them. Others of us are touched that you thought of us and realize that you just want us to be happy as well. When in doubt, ask your friend first!

Over all just love your friend, listen to them, and know that not always do you need to say something or try to give us wisdom and help, most of the time just a loving listening ear is perfect. Knowing that we are cared for and loved and that our thoughts and feelings matter is all we ask.

These thoughts and ramblings are brought to your by your resident 30 year old Single Midwestern Girl. Over and out.

( I know that there are people out there who read my blog who don't like me and will take great delight in this post thinking I am a sad pathetic single girl, which I am not. I have plenty to keep me busy and great friends in my life, that do NOT include you. So keep your snarky thoughts and comments to yourself.)

1 comment:

Jordy Liz said...

When you let go of the lists, the expectations, the control - amazing things will happen. Try it. (It worked for me.)

Praying and knowing God will give you the desires of your heart according to His will.