We're getting real down to the dirty insides today, I share this in hopes of encouraging others and hopefully opening up eyes as mine are beginning to open. I'm going to share what God is teaching me, in posts tagged with "He's still workin on me". My brother and I sang that song as children, and it's words are so true. God is still working on me, to make me the Woman he wants to be. By his Grace I will be made new.
I have recently discovered I have a very big sin issue with other people's sins against me.
I had someone ask me this weekend, how I dealt with people who constantly seemed to "get away" with doing things that were wrong and hurting people. I thought I was giving an honest answer but looking back it was a pretty Susie Sunday School Pat Answer.
The truth is I struggle with it. Sometimes it is easier than others. It seems to be the worst for me when the offender is someone who I have been close to or had a relationship with. I seem to be able to let go of things a little easier and not obsess and think of Twanda things to say to them, if it's not someone I have had a close relationship with.
But if it IS someone I have been close with.. Boy howdy, watch out!!!
In the interest of being totally honest and transparent, and hopefully being kept in check! I will share what happened today.
I got news of an offense against me, by someone I had trusted and been close with. I was blind sighted. And immediately got angry. And when I say angry, I.mean.angry. I was punching my laptop keys so hard it's a miracle they didn't break, and a growl or two escaped my lips.
I felt that I had not done anything to deserve this breach of trust and immediately began to commiserate with my two close friends.
The Irony in this story is that I was accusing the offender of not acting in a Godly manner or conducting themselves like Christ, but in the midst of this I was, or rather TWANDA, was writing a draft of a strongly worded email to the offender. (and when I saw Strongly worded I mean it almost set my curly hair Straight!)
Like any other important email or document, it needs proofed correct? So I sent it off to my two buddies.
Praise the Lord that he has given me wonderful friends. Friends that love me and encourage me, but just like in our sermon yesterday, they are not afraid to step up and tell me when I am sinning, or fixin to sin.
I am so very grateful for that. I was blinded by my anger at this offense and all I could think of was setting the offender straight. Never once realizing that I was doing the very same thing in the draft that I had accused the offender of.
I deleted the draft of the email. I took measures to cut off the lines of communication between the offender and I. (Now some might think this is not forgiving or running away, for me it's neither. I do not want part of drama. I used to be hugely involved in anything with drama in it, and I have taken huge steps in my life to avoid that. I know that is a sin issue for me also. So to avoid falling into that sin I have to cut myself off from the people that are involved in that.)
I am still hurt and somewhat shocked. But I will forgive. I will choose to forgive and I will not let other's sin cause me to sin. Their wrong does not make mine right. One thing that I try to remind myself is that someday, I will stand at the Judgement seat of Christ. I have done many things that I am not proud of, that I will have to answer for. I am trying to strive in my daily life to not add anything else to that list.
It is a hard lesson to learn, and I am very much still learning.