Sunday, February 3, 2013

Gmabama.

Its been a really hard week around here. The word I would describe it as would be heart breaking. There were points when I found myself sitting on my couch staring off in space, just hurting, and so sad that I felt like I couldn't focus. My soul has literally ached.

5 Years ago my Grams had Ovarian Cancer. Stage 4. She beat it, which didn't surprise anyone that she knew, given her tenacious personality. They say with Ovarian cancer if it's going to return it will do it within two years, and will show up somewhere else. Two years came and went and she was still clear. She had her CA 125 Levels checked every 3 months, and the same with her Oncologist Visits.

Last week she traveled to Iowa, (where her new oncologist is) and went in for what was supposed to be her last visit. After 5 years cancer free she was being discharged.

However when they ran her CA 125 levels we couldn't deny that what we had feared was now a reality. The cancer is back. And has spread to her pelvis and to her colon.

She says she knew something was wrong, as she hadn't been feeling right, but she never told anyone, so I for one was beyond shocked.

The cancer came back sometime after her levels were ran in November.

Right now we are in a waiting pattern for her Surgery on the 22'nd. She is first on the cancellation call list if someone cancels their surgery, hopefully she will get in earlier. 

We're looking at surgery and chemo. The surgeon of course will not know the extent of the cancer until he gets in there and can get a better look of what's going on.

I'm still in shock. And catch myself wanting to cry at random moments. I know that God has a plan, and she, and us, are in his hands. But it's been a hard week. And I hate to see her go through what she did before. God is faithful, even in the hard times, and even if the healing doesn't come. That song has been playing on repeat in my head this week. No matter what happens he is in control and he loves us. I am so thankful for my savior who loves me and knows me. I'm thankful that through this hurt and sadness I have him to turn to. He will carry us.

Trust in the Lord with all thine heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him and he shall direct your paths.

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