A few weeks ago I found a lump.
It's scary for anyone, but when you have very recently lost a loved one to cancer, and have the genetic history that I do, it's downright terrifying. I know that my odds for cancer are high, everytime I'm at a Dr's office and giving my family history you can see and hear the change in the person taking it down. Three Grandparents with cancer. Maternal Grandmother with Metestatic Ovarian Cancer. As one Dr said " You really didn't win the genetic lottery did you?" um no.
Fact of the matter is, I've allready had a cancer scare. Two weeks before I turned 21, I was 14 hours away from my family, at my college in Florida, and I sat in the Dr's office and heard those words that you never want to hear. "With a cyst this size, it is almost definitely cancer."
Thank God it wasn't.
But I have never forgotten that moment, or what it felt like afterwards, walking back to my Dorm and feeling like the whole world had changed.
Now 11 years later, during a normal self exam I felt a lump.
I told my Dr, had an apt, and got referred to go have a Mammogram.
This past Tuesday I spent over two hours at the center having a mammogram and then an ultrasound.
I will say this, if you're worried or scared that a Mammogram will hurt, it doesn't. And it was very quick. I think the weirdest/most uncomfortable part of it was where my arm had to go. I never really thought my arms were in the way until i went for my mammogram! ha! I told the lady it felt like I was doing really weird yoga.
It was a very long afternoon, nerve wracking to say the least. I was so nervous when I got there I thought about asking the receptionist how many people have had a heart attack while waiting.
Its a strange thing, being in the back area where the testing is done. Only patients are allowed back in the small waiting room. You sit there with your exam outfit on, among other women who are waiting to hear if they have good or bad news. It was a very interesting dynamic. I can't quite describe it, but you felt for the other women. I ended up talking to each of the three different women that were in the room at the times I was waiting. I found myself wanting to cheer them up, to encourage them and take their mind off from the fear that was coursing through their bodies. (It was going through mine as well) When one of us would be called back into the exam room for a second look, ect, we would wish each other luck and say kind things. It was comforting really, even though I had never met any of them before, we were kind of bound together in that time. Pulling for each other and praying for the other to have good news.
It's been a few weeks since I started writing this blog. At the beginning it was too fresh for me, too personal to share. I debated on whether I wanted to share it or not, but it is part of my history now, and part of my story. And Heavens knows with how bad my memory is becoming I might forget it in the next 7 hours.